Cabin Fever

In the 90’s, action movie writers had a real penchant for adversity on aeroplanes.

We had the glorious flowing locks of Nicholas Cage in Con Air, the abruptly deceptive cameo of Steven Seagal in Executive Decision, Bruce Willis saving Christmas as John McClane in Die Hard 2, the immortalisation of Wesley Snipes line : “Always bet on black” in Passenger 57 and the psychopathic performance of Ray Liotta in Turbulence.

nick-cage-conair

After the spate of onscreen disasters on planes in the 90’s, you would think it impossible to come up with a worse situation, until Samuel L. Jackson “had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane” in 2006.

snakes-on -plane-1

Despite all of this, I don’t think we’ve quite hit our Everest of catastrophic situations on planes. I have a script that I believe can top the lot.

Picture this:

Our female protagonist is originally from Vancouver, but lives in Australia. She’s booked on a flight to visit her family. Sure, she’s made this flight before, but somehow you never quite get used to spending 18 hours in a giant sardine can.

But this flight is not going to be like the rest. She recently became a mother for the first time. Her baby is only 14 weeks old. And she’s coming along for the journey.

But that isn’t all. Two days before the flight, the travel agent calls to advise her that they cannot provide the bassinet she requested upon booking the tickets.

So she’s stuck in a regular seat, for 18 hours, with a newborn baby, with nowhere to put it. Alone.

FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

That right there is what my wife soldiered through two weeks ago. I would not want to be on that flight for all the Sriracha hot sauce in the world. I would rather combine all the bad shit in every previous aeroplane movie than do that.

I would rather be seated next to a prisoner in shackles, on a plane with a bomb in the cargo hold, that is running out of fuel, under the control of a terrorist, flying through turbulence, with a bag full of snakes on the loose.

And she’s going to do it all again in a week’s time.

So this one goes out to yet another amazing feat of motherhood.

Although, now that I think about it, I did put together the new crib today. So I guess that makes us even.

Just kidding.

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