Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Over the last couple of weeks, Frankie has developed some seriously overactive drool glands. Most of the time, her mouth, chin and clothes are covered in a glistening glaze of spit. Not so much like a honey ham on the rotisserie, but more like a St. Bernard staring at a pork chop.  I’m thinking about picking up one of those ‘CAUTION WET FLOOR’ signs for whenever we have people around to avoid any potential lawsuits.

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Sometimes she gets these big hangers, when a glob of slobber builds up before bungee jumping down from her chin. As an OH&S measurement, I’ve started wearing safety goggles anytime I lift her up in the air to protect against the incoming deluge of dribble. I now know what Sigourney Weaver felt like during that infamous scene in Alien.tumblr_ndncuftimr1r3r6iao8_500

Lately, she’s also been discovering her hands. And naturally her instinct is to put them in her mouth. Now we all know how fun it is to hold a baby’s hand, or put your finger in their palm to feel them grip it, but that reflex is now wrought with peril. I still haven’t learnt my lesson. Every time I go to grab her hand, mine gets covered in slimy ectoplasm.

Hand covered with hagfish slime

She’s also taken a shining to blowing bubbles, which is often a prelude to the drool hangers. It’s actually quite impressive the amount of bubbles one baby is able to generate on their face. It’s like watching someone drop a Mentos into a Coke bottle.

We started noticing a ring of drool building up around the neck of her clothing, so we’ve taken to putting a bib on in an attempt to absorb the constant spit tsunami. I thought bibs were for when your baby starts eating food, but they are also effective at soaking up slobber. Just make sure you have about 17 of them on hand at any given time.

To be honest I don’t even know where a body the size of a baby can store such a reservoir of saliva. Probably a good thing then that it doesn’t continue into adolescence and adulthood. It’s bad enough when you’re talking to someone and you notice a fleck of spit hit you in the face, but can’t do anything about it because it might be rude, even though you both saw it happen. But imagine having to sit through a presentation, or a first date, staring at someone literally drivelling on. Although, if it was that common, we probably wouldn’t even notice. Like the aliens in Alien. They seem to be doing alright for themselves.

It’s something though isn’t it? Every little change is new and exciting in its own strange way. And its all ammunition to embarrass her with in front of her friends when she’s 14.

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