Dummies For Dummies And The Nice Doo Betrayal

‘Nice Doo’ is an oft told story in my family. You see, when I was a baby, I was pretty into dummies. Well, that’s not entirely true. I was into a dummy. A dummy that I called ‘Nice Doo’. I held onto this thing for dear life, so much so that it eventually deteriorated into a mangled, smelly ghost of its former self because no other ‘doo’ was ever deemed worthy of taking its place.

In a desperate attempt to dislodge Nice Doo from its veritable throne, my parents sought out a dozen potential suitors and ceremoniously lined them up before me. With an air of despondency, they watched as I slowly moved down the line, testing and rejecting each and every one.

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After I fell sick at a later date, the crafty pair saw a window of opportunity and used it to hatch a treasonous plot. In a heinous act of treachery, they framed Nice Doo as the culprit for making me sick. I was then made to eliminate Nice Doo by tossing it in the bin myself, thus marking my transition into ‘big boy’hood.

This brings us to the topic of dummies, pacifiers, soothers, whatever you may call them. In the world of babies, they seem to carry with them some contention. You’ll find that modern parenting is home to some anti-dummy propaganda, and for the most part, the reasoning seems to be pedantic when compared to the potential benefits.

The foremost being that it can stop your baby from screaming.

And that’s about it folks. Really, we could just end the discussion there. When it’s 3 in the morning, and absolutely everything you’ve tried has completely failed, if sticking a moulded piece of plastic in their gob can make the pain stop then I’m all in.

We had wanted to wait as long as possible before ‘resorting’ to using a dummy, but when we eventually did, it was a gift from the heavens. Having been up all night trying to calm a demented howler monkey, it was the dummy that saved the day.

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There appears to be evidence to suggest that they can reduce the chances of SIDS, help with teething, fight plaque etc… but these are just sprinkles on top of the fudge sundae that is their ability to convert screams into silence.

The ‘cons’ seem to be rather irrelevant when it comes to newborns, such as potential dental and speech problems. Of course, there can be attachment issues, such as we saw with Nice Doo, but this can be managed via elaborate lies and deception, as we have seen.

The only suggestion of any significance is that using a dummy can disrupt their sucking technique, which might affect breastfeeding. We used a dummy two weeks in, and suffered no adverse effects at all.

Of course, every baby is going to be different, but my advice is to take the wowzers with a grain of salt. Your baby will not spontaneously combust if you put a dummy in its mouth. I can only surmise that ‘anti-dummy’ people are sadomasochists if they are avoiding usage on principal alone.

I owe many hours of sleep to the invention of the dummy and should you be struggling to settle your baby down, I would suggest giving it a go.

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