For many years I have been held under heavy accusation that I snore in bed. These outlandish claims have never been properly verified, as I have conveniently never been awake to witness the crime being perpetrated. My wife has presented audio evidence before, but it is all circumstantial in my opinion. She even sleeps with earplugs in, which is a long way to go in order to keep up such a ruse.
In recent weeks however, I have begun to wake in the middle of the night to what sounds like the mating call of the arctic walrus. My now heavily pregnant wife has started snoring, and there is nothing graceful about it at all, it sounds like a wounded warthog on its last dying breath. For 8 hours. Every night.
In what some might see as an ironic turn of events, I’m now the one sleeping with earplugs in.
I’m a crappy sleeper as it is. Given I’m already working with about 25% of the bed, and the fact that I now have to deal with the soothing sounds of an asthmatic gorilla, I’m not really ‘banking all the sleep I can’ like people with kids keep telling me to do. But who knows, maybe I’m just getting ahead of the game.