Life and Death

Since my wife became pregnant, I’ve started noticing that pregnancy terms are an untapped resource for the naming of Death Metal bands.

Here are some examples:

PLACENTAL PULSE
AMNIOTIC SAC
UMBILICAL BLOOD
ECTOPIC EMBRYO
FALLOPIAN TUBES
TOXOPLASMOSIS
PLACENTAL ABRUPTION
POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
FETAL VIABILITY
CEPHALIC PRESENTATION

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Perhaps this could be the beginning of a new genre of metal, an ironic consummation of life and death. The bands could raise various parenting and pregnancy issues, amidst the wails of epic guitar solos and crunching breakdowns.

“I WOULD RATHER BATTLE DEMONS AND GHOULS IN THE ROCK VALLEY,

THAN HAVE TO CONTINUALLY WASH A HUNDRED CLOTH NAPPIES”

“ALL THESE TERRORS IN MY MIND, CONSTANTLY MY HEAD THUUUUUMPS

BECAUSE I CAN’T DECIDE ON A MANUAL OR ELECTRIC BREAST PUUUUUMP”

“THE SHRIEKS AND CRIES ECHO THROUGH THE COLD NIGHT AIR, I CLUTCH TO THE SHEETS,

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOULD YOU GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP”

This could be huge. I can bash around on some drums, so if there are any other Dads out there who can wail, slap a bass, and scream like a banshee, we could be the the next big thing in Prego-core. Or Baby-thrash. Or whatever genre YouTube commenters decide to call it and argue over.

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