Nesting

Okay fellas, you’ll need to get prepared for this one as it can come out of nowhere. In nature, many animals begin preparing for the birth of their young, with the obvious most example being birds, in preparing a ‘nest’. ‘Nesting’ extends across the animal kingdom, which subsequently includes humans, and involves a similar amount of saliva and regurgitation.

I’d vaguely heard about this, but hadn’t really given it much thought, until one day when my wife triumphantly traipsed down the stairs holding two bags of expired medicine. By the intense look on her face, and giant dilated pupils, I’d assumed as a means of detection she’d been sampling the bottles rather than look for dates.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve noticed various changes around the house. My ‘ideas’ whiteboard is now a giant ‘to do’ list, the pantry has been reorganised like a grocery store shelf, and I was told recently that the bookshelf ‘needed to be cleared’. For what I am still not sure, as it is currently being used to shelve books, so if we were to remove the books, I can’t imagine what they are to be replaced with. I’m expecting to find the spice rack alphabetised any day now.

We also needed to get some new bed sheets. Seriously. When I was briefed in on this, I could see fire in her eyes and the steely resolve of a war general. Our existing bed sheets are still in perfect nick, and new bed sheets are expensive, but you just nod and smile. Nod and smile guys, nod and smile.

She has described it as ‘wanting to purge the entire house’. Hopefully that doesn’t include me, as I like it here. I have a leather recliner and a Playstation 4.

Apparently even the garden needs to be tidied up. Unless she’s been seeing Don Burke behind my back, I can’t really envision a newborn baby hanging out in the bushes any time soon, but who am I to argue.

I suppose somebody needs to do it though, as it certainly wouldn’t be me. I am one of the most disorganised people on the planet. I have a team of suits that organise me all day. I pretty much do everything on the fly, and come up with solutions on the spot. So in that sense, she’s the yin to my yang.

Once you start getting closer to the due date, it’s inevitable. It’s nature. So just roll with it guys, you can’t fight it.

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